


these feelings won't go away

by miisungi



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Drabble, Happy Ending..?, I guess..., IT'S BROKEN, M/M, READ IF YOU WANT TO CRY, Songfic, broken hyunsung, but felix will love him and help him, but it ends well in the end, im so sorry, im sorry for any mistakes im not a native speaker, it's my first time of translating smth from my works into english, jisung im really really sorry, love my honey bro he deserves it, please read while listening to loving caliber - these feelings won't go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:33:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28427850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miisungi/pseuds/miisungi
Summary: there are now thousands of kilometers between them, broken like an old porcelain vase feelings, fake smiles, deceitful «everything is fine», pain and longing in the soul, and the hung up receiver of the payphoneor a songfic drabble in which hyunjin leaves jisung and jisung learns how to live again and then he meets felix who'll become his true love.pls read only while listening to loving caliber - these feelings won't go
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix, Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin
Kudos: 6





	these feelings won't go away

**Author's Note:**

> sorry to everyone who's seen earlier version with oter names. originally it's my work about hyunsung in russian but i translated it into english for my friend from Hong Kong, and i had to change skz's names (especially hyunjin's) cause my friend's english name is sam lol
> 
> would be really awkward if i send him this story with skz's english names so the story would be about peter and SAM lol

**_did you leave without goodbyes, leave without goodbyes  
these feelings won't go away, away_ **

he's left. just left, leaving after himself emptiness in a soul and halfly withered cactus on a windowsill. jisung feels like he's that cactus now.

he's left. there are now thousands of kilometers between them, broken like an old porcelain vase feelings, fake smiles, deceitful «everything is fine», pain and longing in the soul. and the hung up receiver of the payphone, cause he can't call from his one — he knows it won't be taken. though he doesn't take it anyway.

he's left and jay learns how to live again. as if a person awakened from a coma, who after coming to himself heard everyone turned away from him, and he's now all alone. jisung is now like that too. all alone.

**_i called you from a payphone  
could barely hear what you said  
but you told me that i'm no longer the one you want_ **

one day he picks up the phone. just to say he doesn't need jisung anymore and ask to stop calling him. on that day jisung realizes for the first time how badly broken he is and how quickly he dies inside.

**_i don't know why you left, i don't know why  
i didn't get a chance to say goodbye_ **

jisung doesn't know why hyunjin's left. he didn't even get a chance to say goodbye. hyunjin's just left without leaving any note but the memory of three wonderful years together, bright nights and warm hugs.

**_what can i say, these feelings won't go away  
time keeps passing by but i can't get you of my mind  
these feelings won't go away, away_ **

time goes by. all this time, jisung is trying to put the pieces of himself back together, re-learning to live, dream and believe. re-learns to love the sky and the stars, which in the first months after hyunjin's left he hated. re-learns to go to his favorite coffee shop, which keeps too many fond memories of him and hyunjin. just re-learns to exist.

the feelings never go away. now jisung dreams of burning all the bridges more than ever, but he can't just throw out the memories from his head only at his own will. tho he doesn't want to anyways, cause those memories are too precious to just be thrown out. the feelings don't go away. and they never will, — realizes jisung. seems like he is destined to love one person for the rest of his life but live without him.

**_i try to be strong  
but i'm holding on  
i practice my best fake smile so that no one can see  
how i've been feeling inside, inside_ **

jisung's learned to pretend everything's fine a long time ago. the mask of a fake smile and deceitful «everything is fine» grew together with him in the first months after hyunjin's left. jisung knew: it's not the end of the life. it may be difficult, the feelings may not go away, but he doesn't want to die just because all the hopes and joys of the first love shattered, like the waves of a raging storm against high sea rocks.

he tries to be strong. doesn't let anyone see how much it hurts though both chan and changbin know him too well, so they see everything.

****_i don't know why you left, i don't know why_  
i didn't get a chance to say goodbye  
i know it's been a year but sometimes i still shed a tear thinking of you 

a year later, they meet at the chan's birthday party. jisung feels a cold lonely tear rolling down his cheek, but he quickly wipes it off with the sleeve of his sweater before anyone notices and puts on his usual fake smile.

— how are you?

— fine.

shit, nothing's fine. hyunjin introduces his new boyfriend to them. changbin and chan both look disapprovingly: they still remember how hyunjin's just left one day, cutting off from jisung, making their friend suffer, but they still accept seungmin. jisung feels hurted, but he manages to steel himself and after stopping seungmin in the hallway where no one is quietly whispers to him:

— make him happy. give him that happiness that i couldn't give.

seungmin nods and jisung hopes that hyunjin's in good hands and seungmin won't become someone like jisung himself: the one whose heart's broken by hyunjin.

jisung walks outside and sits on a bench near the entrance. he doesn't want to go back to the chan's party: friend is friend but seeing hyunjin still hurts even though a year has passed.

— why are you here all alone? — felix walks outside and sits down next to jay. he came along with seungmin and hyunjin and was introduced as seungmin's best friend. and it was this felix who didn't take his eyes from jisung all the evening long. jisung stays silent, cause he's not going to let anyone into his sad love story, which finally began to slowly disappear, dissolving into the air like a gray morning fog. — let's go, — smiles felix giving his little hand to jisung.

jisung doesn't ask «where». accepts the little hand and gets involved in a fast run. he doesn't know where are they heading but now he knows the one thing for sure: now the one to leave without goodbyes was him. and somehow he doesn't regret it at all.

and… it seems that he's finally ready to trust and fall in love again…


End file.
